Mental Illness, Part 1: We Don't Talk About That

Recently, a young woman I knew in college reached out to me on Facebook.  We were in the same college/young adult ministry at church, and we got along well enough, but she was a bit younger than me and we ran in different social circles.  We've both since married, had children, found different church homes...she's even moved to another state.  So why reach out to me?

Because she had recently been diagnosed with an anxiety panic disorder, and she knew that I had been diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

According to the CDC, 1 in 10 US adults report depression.  According to the NIMH , 18% of  Americans over 18 struggle with anxiety disorders. Since this vibrant, friendly young lady surely knows more than 10  people, why did she need to dig into the past and find a friendlyish acquaintance to ask about the condition?

Because we don't talk about mental illness.

I first met depression face to face as a teenager.  Two of my closest friends in youth group had depression.   My best friend rarely spoke of it.  I was able to, for my own comfort, ignore the fact that she had it.  But my other friend was more...vocal.  Once she was diagnosed with depression, everyone knew about it.  And we had to face it.  We had to decide what we believed about it and how to respond.

I have to say, we didn't respond well.

We attended a caring, Bible-based, church with lots of good "programs" and lots of good people.  I don't remember any sermons or Sunday School classes on the topic of depression, but I know there were a lot of people who had depression (I didn't know that at the time), and I know there were a lot of people who didn't have depression and didn't understand that it was a medical condition.  We were never explicitly taught as much, but there was an underlying vibe that "Christians don't get depressed" or "depression is a sin".

I tried to talk my friend out of being depressed.  I tried sweeping it under the rug.  I began to doubt that she was even saved...a few years later in college, I told her as much.  I failed to love her.  Because I was SCARED.

Guess what?  The Bible never says anything about a chemical or hormonal imbalance being sinful.  But it says an awful lot about being unloving, hypocritical...being afraid of anything but God Himself.

My friend may have, at times, handled her depression in a sinful way.  I don't know.  I know she is a sinner, saved by grace, just like me.  I know that I handled her depression in a sinful way.

Could it be that the young lady in the opening paragraph only knew to contact me because everyone else with mental illness keeps silent so that they won't be treated the way I treated my friend when I was a teenager?

So what is the Biblical response to depression?  How do we make the church a welcoming place for those who suffer from mental illness?  The two verses that come to mind are:

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (ESV)
And
Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. (ESV)

I also think of the story of Job.  We don't want to be "Job's Comforters" to our friends with depression.  We don't always know why God allows suffering, and in most cases we can't even come close to judging whether a suffering is the direct result of sin.  So don't try.  Just LOVE.

I'll talk more about my own journey with depression in a later post...whenever the kids give me time.  But I want to leave this one thought...I think I was so scared because I didn't want to admit that I might have depression.  And I was so scared of having depression because I was scared that people would think I wasn't saved.  

Dance in Your Undies

And he said to them, "You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition!" Mark 7:9

A little context here: The scribes and Pharisees were looking for dirt on Jesus, and they thought they literally found it on His disciples' hands.  See, the disciples hadn't washed their hands exactly the right [ceremonial] way before eating. The Pharisees had added TONS of laws to God's Law, oral tradition passed down (supposedly from Moses), which was given the same weight as the actual Word of God.

Does that sound at all familiar?

"If you were a real Christian, you wouldn't watch that TV show."

"If you were really godly, you would serve in xyz capacity."

"You aren't a wife of noble character because you work outside the home."

"It's a sin to play cards."

"Dancing is of the devil."

Oooh, let's tackle that last one, shall we?

2 Samuel 6:

12Now it was told King David, saying, “The Lord has blessed the house of Obed-edom and all that belongs to him, on account of the ark of God.” David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom into the city of David with gladness. 13 And so it was, that when the bearers of the ark of the Lord had gone six paces, he sacrificed an ox and a fatling. 14 And David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, and David was [h]wearing a linen ephod. 15 So David and all the house of Israel were bringing up the ark of the Lord with shouting and the sound of the trumpet.

16 Then it happened as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David that Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart.

17 So they brought in the ark of the Lord and set it in its place inside the tent which David had pitched for it; and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord. 18 When David had finished offering the burnt offering and the peace offering, he blessed the people in the name of theLord of hosts. 19 Further, he distributed to all the people, to all the multitude of Israel, both to men and women, a cake of bread and one of dates and one of raisins to each one. Then all the people departed each to his house.

²⁰ But when David returned to bless his household, Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel distinguished himself today! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servants’ maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself!” ²¹ So David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel; therefore I will celebrate before the Lord.²² I will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes, but with the maids of whom you have spoken, with them I will be distinguished.” ²³ Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.

What if all those other "ought tos" and "not good enoughs" had just as little biblical basis?

Now, sometimes we are sinning, and our siblings in Christ need to call us on it.  But often, the "rules" we impose upon each other either have nothing to do with Scripture, or are someone's interpretation/extrapolation of Scripture.  

Maybe they are being hypocrites like the Pharisees.  Or maybe they've just found something that works for them in their relationship with God, and they want to share.

So next time someone tells you what you should or shouldn't be doing as a Christian, don't get mad and defensive...and don't start beating yourself up.  Simply say, "Thank you for your concern."  Then, weigh their "advice" against the Scriptures.  If the Bible says the same thing, then it's time to start living it.  But if the Bible says something different, or is silent...well, just dance to the tune God is playing for you.

My Heart for Lent

I am not Catholic, but I celebrate Lent.  Nobody else in my family (with the possible exception of the Catholic relatives) makes a big deal out of Lent.  In fact, my husband is dead set against it, for the same reason he hates New Year's resolutions.  Cody believes if you need to change something in your life, you just do it right away.  However, the season leading up to Resurrection Sunday has become very meaningful to me since I started college almost a decade ago.  Some years I give something up; other years I add a discipline to my life.

 I am careful to choose something that will help me to walk more closely with Christ, but not something that needs to be a permanent change.  So I will never give up something I know to be sinful for Lent--that is something I will work to eliminate from my life no matter the time of year.  I also will not give up something that I cannot realistically do without--for instance, chocolate--for a whole month or more.  I don't want to set myself up for failure.  Finally, I won't add something I should be doing all the time (such as prayer or Bible study) because I don't want the end of the season to be an excuse to stop doing that discipline.

My freshman year of college was the first time I celebrated Lent. I am thankful to my prayer partner at the time (Rachel) who helped me to see that a Protestant could indeed observe the season. It was also the most difficult logistically.  I had to amend my promise to God because I could not completely avoid the thing I gave up.  I chose to give up secular music (including songs that were not explicitly Christian even if sung by Christian artists, e.g. no Steven Curtis Chapman love songs).  Obviously, it was impossible to cut all secular music from my life, as I realized as I waited in the student lounge to meet some friends later that evening.  BET music videos definitely don't count as Christian music!  So I told God, "Well, you know I meant well.  I promise not to listen to secular songs on my own."  Now I don't think there is anything sinful about listening to secular music.  I quite enjoy it.  I don't want to give it up permanently.  But that year as I prepared my heart for Resurrection Sunday, my personal playlist was focusing my mind on the risen Lord.  It was very powerful!

The following year, I gave up watching TV by myself.  This was another one that had to have a caveat, and only partially due to the inevitablity of walking into a room where someone was watching TV.  That Lenten season was less powerful; less of a sacrifice, as I did not have to give up my favorite shows.  I watched all my faves with my mom; and I would not give that up because it was important to her that we spend that time together.  However, it was still a good discipline for me, because I was wasting less time watching random shows alone.  I spent the extra time reading, planying board games with my parents, praying, listening to music, and studying.  I think maybe I even cleaned my room (I know I cleaned it at least once that year).

I honestly don't remember what I gave up the next year.  I think maybe I forgot to celebrate Lent.  Whoops!  Thankfully, we are "saved by grace through faith, not by works lest any man should boast."

 2006 was another powerful Lenten season.  I love to write, but I do not discipline myself to spend the time writing...really, anything.  Also, I had a brand new boyfriend who tried to convince me that it was legalistic and hypocritical to celebrate Lent.  I think he's mellowed out some over the years ;-).  So I decided to ADD a discipline.  For each week of Lent, I was going to write a letter to someone in my life whom I wanted to encourage.  The first letter was to my Czech penpal/spiritual daughter, Susie.  I wrote a letter to a former crush, thanking him for his friendship and for realizing that we were not meant to be together (and telling him all about the new man in my life, because he was the type to actually be happy for me and give me godly advice).  I wrote a letter to said boyfriend...it was rather sappy, and as we'd only been together for a few weeks, I think it terrified him.  I wrote a letter to my best friend, who was away at college.  I wrote a letter to a little girl at church whom I was mentoring.  I wrote a letter to a young woman in my campus ministry who was going through a difficult time.  It was neat to reach out to others from the heart and gifts the Holy Spirit gave to me.

The next year I gave up reading novels--something I spend a lot of time doing-- and read only textbooks, theology books, biographies, and the Bible.  This was a stretching time for me; I learned a lot of new things about God and about the world around me because I didn't waste time with fiction.

The first Lent that I was married, I gave up caffienated beverages.  I do not say caffiene, because I still ate chocolate in its solid form.  But I did not drink hot chocolate, soda, or tea unless it was caffiene free.  That was probably the most painful Lent ever; for more reasons than one.  To begin with, I was something of a caffiene addict.  I could not get through the day without a caffeinated soda or a cuppa for breakfast.  I had to learn to depend on God, sleep at a decent time, and cope with headaches.  But I am sooo thankful the Lord led me to give up caffiene, for if I hadn't, I would to this day be wondering if caffeine was the cause of the greater pain I faced that Lenten season.  On Maundy Thursday of 2008, I lost my first child to miscarriage.  As it was, I blamed myself for his (her?) death.  As it was, I dropped out of school.  As it was, I became suicidal.  If I had been addicted to caffeine at the time, I would still believe that I had murdered my baby.  However, Beans' brief life and death made that Lent the most meaningful of my entire life.  For the day after my miscarriage, my husband and I attended the Good Friday service at our church. I understood, perhaps for the first time "how great the pain of searing loss" our Father faced as He watched the death of His Only Begotten Son.

I can't remember for sure, but I think 2009 was the year I gave up Facebook.  My timeline seems to support that theory.

I think I was too sick in 2010 to remember to do anything for Lent.  I was just puking my guts out and praying to still be preggo by Good Friday, considering that I'd lost a baby during each Lent I had been married.

Last year, I added something.  I know I did.  I just can't remember what.  Did I write letters again?  I think maybe...or I did something around the house that is normally Cody's responsibility.  Or both.  I'm not sure.  I had mommy brain.  But I know I did something...I think.

This year I am giving up fanfiction.  Because I love fanfiction, but I spend entirely too much time reading it when I should be reading my Bible, doing chores, or hanging out with my hubby.  And because I spend entirely too much time writing it when I should be writing original novels that I could actually, I don't know, maybe publish?

Do you celebrate Lent?  Why or why not?  If you do, how do you do so?

Keep it Kute!

Stuff and Things (Kim hasn't been on here enough)

Well, I wanted to show you some of the projects I've been working on lately.

Got sidetracked from my crocheting by remodeling Barbie's kitchen.

Would you believe those all used to be Pepto-Bismol pink?  I have some more Barbie furniture that I painted that I have yet to photograph.

As the wife of the Commish, I feel obligated to make some cool dessert for the church Superbowl party each year.  This year's contribution:

And, I threw my mom a surprise b-day party--her first in 10 years.

It was a "Stampin' Up" party.

Keep it Kute!

Ministry opportunity for even the most amateur seamstress

My denomination is participating in a mission project.  The goal is to make simple sundresses (most have been from pillowcases) to send to impoverished girls in Africa.  If you would like to participate, here is the address of my church:

First Covenant Church
3616 N. Bigelow St.
Peoria, IL 61604-1600

You can send your completed dresses by September 12, 2011 at the latest if you want them to reach this ministry.  However, if you start working on them but miss the deadline, I'm certain other local ministries would be interested.

Directions for Pillowcase Dress 

1. Choose your pillowcase.  A standard size will make a dress for a young child, queen will make a dress for a medium sized child or teen, and king will make a teen to adult sized dress.
2. Cut off the closed end, as close to the seam as possible.  This will be the top of your dress.
3. Cut armholes with the following templates: 

4. Fold over top edges and iron to create a smooth edge.  Then repeat, so that you will have a tunnel for the elastic.  Cut elastic into two equal lengths: 6" (7", 8") and sew one end inside the edge of the casing.  Then sew the casing, pulling the elastic through as you sew, creating a tunnel around the elastic.  Finally, sew the elastic to the other edge of the casing.

5. Cut two 50" lengths of double fold bias tape. Open tape and turn under 1/4" on each end, then refold tape and iron to finish edges.

6.  Open tape again and baste one edge along the inside of each armhole. Refold, encasing armhole, and stitch along the whole of the bias tape.  The tape should be centered so that several inches extend on either side of the pillowcase; these will be the shoulder ties.

7.  Trim dress as desired.

Feel free to message me if you have any questions.  I have modified this pattern from two other patterns I was given.  Both patterns were unclear to me and I needed the help of a more experienced seamstress on the first dress, but I think that was mostly because of the ambiguity of the patterns.  I hope my pattern is easy to understand.

Here is a picture of me modeling the adult dress I made, and a picture of all 4 dresses I made (1 large, 1 medium, 2 small):

Keep it Kute!

B-Day Gifts and Mother's Day Gifts

The art from Casey's  b-day card

I made sidewalk chalk with eggshells and food coloring and paste.  The  cupcake crayons were melted broken crayons.  You can get both of these recipes from this book.

The Mollster and the doll hat I accidentally made for her.

Sarah looking at the amazing card I designed for her.

Sarah's Card

My portrait of Sarah

My first attempt at making corsages with Azaleas and Lilacs from my own garden.  My Mama Bear and I wore them to church on Mother's Day.

The hat and scarf I crocheted for Mama Bear.

Close-up of the flower on the hat.  I made it up as I went along, and I doubt I could duplicate it.

The other hat I crocheted for Mama Bear.  I always giver her a bear of some sort for Mother's Day.  Also, we are doing a panda theme for Bible School this summer.  I am going to make one for the Bear and one for myself.

The portrait of her kids and grandkid that I made for my MIL.

Keep it Kute!

Take 2

Here are the rest of the layette pics now that shower #2 is over!

Keep it Kute!

As promised...Piccies installment numero uno!

My BFF's first shower was on Sunday, so here are the pics of the layette I made for her LO.

Keep it Kute!

WinterJam 2011!

Hubby and I were priveleged to attend the very last night of the WinterJam2011 tour.  Since Hubby works with the J-hi kids at Intersection, we even got into an exclusive youth pastor meeting with some of the stars.  We got to hear a personal message from Tony Nolan, Jon Micah Sumrall, Jason Castro, Duncan Phillips, and Michael Tait.  And we got a free bag of stuff!  WinterJam partners with Holt International, so we decided to sponser a child on our way out of the meeting.  Well, I made Hubby late to the concert because we looked at EVERY SINGLE FOLDER trying to find the Bear's b-day.  We didn't; but we did find a little boy only 9 days older than the Bear.  He lives in India.  Maybe someday they can be pen-pals.

 Jason Castro

Duncan Phillips and Michael Tait

The concert was SPECTACULAR!  We got to see the tail end of NewSong, the founders of the concert.



Some youth pastors shot t-shirts into the crowd.  No way they could have reached us in the nosebleed section, though.

Next up was Francesca Battistelli.  Omigoodness!  I love her so much!!! I became a huge fan of her music through WCIC.  I totes had to buy both of her cds because her lyrics speak to me so much.  I also got a cute T-shirt with some of the lyrics to one of my fave songs, This is the Stuff.  Her hubby plays drums, just like mine, and he looked like Luigi with a bowtie.  Poor girl was getting over strep and said she might sound like a goat; but she really had her own beautiful voice.  Her dress was really unusual and cute, too.  I just can't even tell you how much I love her!!!

.

Then there was Kutless.  The first time I had ever seen them was with Hubby at AgapeFest in like '06. The name and the clothes make them seem like hard rock, but I'm always surprised by how traditional and worshipful their music is.  I really like them.

During intermission, I got some piccies of the Intersection peeps.



Me and the Wizzle.




Me and the Hubby.

 There was this group called Sidewalk Prophets that I was not familiar with...until they started singing.  I recognized most of their songs from WCIC.  Love them!  They have great musicality paired with a great message.

Tony Nolan gave his testimony and also shared some of the amazing things God is doing through WinterJam and Holt International.  Can't wait to read his book, Hurt Healer.  We got a free copy when we sponsored our baby at the youth pastor reception. 

The final act of the evening was the Newsboys.  Except, since the lead singer is no longer Ausie, Hubby says they aren't really the Newsboys.  We are both Newsboys and dcTalk fans from way back.  We decided now that Michael Tait is the front man, we shall call them newsTalk.   They promised not to leave the Civic Center until all the [2 for 1!] copies of their new album were sold AND AUTOGRAPHED!!!   They had these awesome platforms that let Jeff Frankenstein and Jody Davis float over the crowd, and Duncan Phillips spin like a Ferris Wheel.  When I asked him how he stayed on his drum throne, he replied, "Buns of Steel".  Then he told me he really liked my "Play Like a Girl" t-shirt.  He was even more impressed when I told him it was BarlowGirls.  Then he let Hubby take my pic with the band, even though the security guards got totally mad at me and were yelling "Move along!"  I <3 the Newsboys!!!

I think Duncan Phillips is my first friend who was born in Australia.

Since it was the last night of the tour, we got to see something no other city saw.  The entire cast and crew came out and led us in singing "Soon and Very Soon, We are Going to See the King". Followed by the Chicken Dance.  Yes, the Chicken Dance.

We didn't get home until about midnight.  The Bear was already in bed; but it sounded like he had a good time with Auntie Sarah and Uncle Lucas.

Keep it Kute!